


I'll tell you no lie

by sadieb798



Series: The 626 Universe [2]
Category: Marvel, Marvel (Comics), Marvel 616
Genre: Anger, Children, Emotional Baggage, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Established Relationship, Fluff and Angst, Howard Stark's A+ Parenting, Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, M/M, Minor Original Character(s), Original Character(s), POV Tony Stark, Past Child Abuse, Protective Steve Rogers, Steve Rogers Needs a Hug, Talking, Tony Stark Feels, Tony Stark Needs a Hug, just someone give these boys a hug, like not even in here minor
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-06-06
Updated: 2018-06-06
Packaged: 2019-05-18 18:51:53
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,300
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14858312
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sadieb798/pseuds/sadieb798
Summary: Tony's got a lot of anger.





	I'll tell you no lie

**Author's Note:**

> Takes place prior to Tony and Steve's marriage and certainly before [Bringing Sarah Home](https://archiveofourown.org/works/14787104). Consider this the pre-kids talk.

Tony slams the door shut behind him, his steps resolute as he stomps into the penthouse.

He feels so  _ angry _ \- a red storm cloud’s been following him around since the courthouse. In a huff, he snaps his suit jacket off his shoulders, and struggles with it for a few minutes as his hands get tangled up in the sleeves. Once he escapes its grasp, though, he throws it on the floor with all the force his human body can deliver.

He abandons it there and doesn’t stop walking until he reaches the floor-to-ceiling windows, and even then he's pacing like a caged lion. His entire body goes rigid with tension: his shoulders hunch of their own accord, his hands shove themselves into his pants pockets and a deep frown fixes on his face that feels permanent.

The door opens from the opposite side of the open-plan space and he doesn’t stop to look up - he can hear his boyfriend’s footsteps on the hardwood floor just fine.

“Tony,” Steve starts, his steps coming closer.

“How could they do that?!” Tony snaps out. He glares at Steve, who’s at least giving him a wide berth as Tony works off his rage, even though he looks so weary. “How could  _ anyone _ do that to a kid?”

“I don’t know, Tony,” Steve says, and Tony  _ knows _ he shouldn’t try to pick a fight with him. He  _ knows _ Steve’s angry and frustrated too, but every cell in Tony’s body is  _ screaming _ at him to put on the suit and  _ punch  _ something until it's a pulp.

“I don’t understand why  _ anyone _ would do that!” Tony continues, and he feels the anger burning up inside him like a sun, all-consuming and bright. “He was just a little  _ kid  _ that didn’t  _ ask  _ for any of that! He did nothing  _ wrong!” _

“I know, Tony,” Steve repeats, and Tony whirls towards him, his anger bubbling like lava.

“I don’t get why someone -  _ anyone  _ \- who can’t take care of their kids wouldn’t give up them up to a relative, or just to someone else who could!” Tony cries, the anger staring at him like a gnawing void. Steve’s blue eyes are studying him, his face impassive, but he’s stock-still. “Why would you subject your kid to that kind of life?! No kid deserves that! They don’t  _ deserve  _ to starve, to be neglected, or abused, or taken for granted, or, or - ”

“I agree,” Steve replies, it's enough to douse Tony's anger a little. Steve takes a few steps towards him, and Tony realizes that he's stopped pacing. Steve stops in front of Tony, looking at him straight in the eye. “It's a fucking horrible situation, babe. And it's frustrating and awful, and I hope for his sake that the relatives that  _ do  _ care will do what they can to make sure he's got a good life."

Tony frowns, and the words just send a spike of renewed heat into his veins. 

"But that won't be _enough!"_ he stresses. "That kid's going to have a lot of _shit_ ton of issues to deal with, and he's going to be _alone!_ And it's just going to lead to a horrible life of crime, or addiction, or something worse!"

"Probably," Steve acknowledges, and Tony wants to scream.

"I just!" he exclaims, waving a hand, and he can feel himself getting pink in the face as he gains steam. What he  _ doesn't  _ expect, though, is the clog in his throat and the sadness that wells up inside him, bleeding into the anger. “I wouldn't want that on a kid. I hope that I won’t do that to my own kids - "  _ that I'll know my limitations,  _ he prays,  _ and I'll give them to someone else to take care of them until I can pull myself together. Someone who will give them a better life than I could - _

“You won’t do that,” Steve cuts in swiftly, like a hot knife to butter, and Tony's shocked out of his thoughts. He blinks at Steve's face: lips a determined line, a crease between his eyebrows, and his blue eyes aflame. “You won't do that because you aren’t a psychopath or a sociopath.”

The words steal Tony's next breath, and his heart swoops inside his chest. He blinks rapidly and that's when he feels the tear tracks on his cheeks and fresh ones prickling his eyes. Breaking eye contact with Steve, he lowers his face to wipe them away.

"You'd make a great father, honey," Steve murmurs, his breath a puff of hot air against Tony's hair.

“I don't think so," Tony admits wetly, and gives a sniffle. He lifts his chin and meets Steve's pained expression. "I don’t want to pass on the baggage from my own life to a little kid. I didn’t ask for any of that, and it wouldn't be fair to do the same to them.”

Steve nods, his lips pinching in thought. "We both have baggage, babe," Tony's brow furrows. Steve lifts a hand and points to himself. 

"Experimented super soldier centenarian from the 40's," and then waves at Tony, "multi-billionaire genius who puts on a suit of armor to fight crime."

Tony can't help the snort that escapes, and a corner of Steve's lips twitch.

"But," starts Tony again, somber. "Life is cruel. Fuck, Steve look at my life: my biological parents were Hydra agents, the less we say about Howard the better. And my sister - " but he's not able to open that can of worms again, so he shakes his head to dispel it. "Point is: why should  _ anyone  _ bring a kid into this world? It's cruel and messy, people hurt each other all the time. There's killings, and rape, and a whole sea of ugliness. I don't think I could even handle it if something like that happened to my own kids."

It's not just anger at his own situation - though there are times where he  _ is _ angry, and would give anything for a drop to drink to forget the flame of resentment for a while - but it's  _ more  _ than that. Everything  _ good  _ in his own familial background feels tainted by all the bad, but he isn't surprised. Just disappointed.

A soft brush of fingers against his hands draws Tony out of his spiraling dark thoughts. He lifts his chin up and meets his boyfriend's bright blue eyes, he'd forgotten he was there honestly. After a half a minute of silence, he starts speaking.

"The world can be a cruel place," Steve's voice whispers. "But we can't put off having kids until the world is safe - you and I both know it's a thankless, neverending job - even if we did, thousands of people wouldn't have jobs, and hospitals wouldn't have maternity wards. We can only do what we can to keep it safe, and we can't be everywhere at once. In the meantime, there are  _ beautiful  _ things worth spreading: kindness, love, compassion, basic human decency." He presses closer to Tony's body, folds his big strong arms around his back and holds him like something worth protecting. "Those are the things worth bringing a kid into this world. Those things are worth teaching them, and having it be passed on to another generation."

Tony blinks in amazement, and it feels like his heart's swollen two sizes bigger; so full of love for this optimistic man.

"Jeez, Steve," he breathes, his own hands going around Steve's middle and clutching him tightly as he rests his head against his shoulder. "It sounds like you've really put some thought into having kids one day."

"Only every other minute," Steve replies, his chest rumbling with the words. Tony closes his eyes and sighs a heavy breath.

"Well, you'll be relieved to know that all those precious minutes haven't been in vain," he reassures and feels Steve's laughter.

**Author's Note:**

> Based on the inner struggles I have about one day having children, also by my own anger and disappointments at dealing with a family situation. This was cathartic to write. It doesn't fix everything, but it helps to talk about it.
> 
> \--
> 
> Got a prompt? My writing tumblr's [there](https://sarahswritersblock.tumblr.com/)! Regular tumblr [here](https://sadieb798.tumblr.com/), come say hi!


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